03 January 10
So they think you've been racist?
Even when we don’t realize it we do and say racist things. Read that again, “even when we don’t realize it we do and say racist things.” The intention of making a racist statement is rarely there. It’s this subconscious racism that I want to address. If you’re proud to be a racist, chances are you’re not reading this site in the first place.
But I think there are many people, myself included, who have done something or said something that was perceived as perpetuating racism. (Of course you can insert homophobia, class privilege, etc. in that statement, but I’m going to stick with racism.) Even if you didn’t mean to say something racist, you may have. If you’re lucky, someone will let you know that what you said has a racist tone and ask if you meant it. You won’t feel like you’re being lucky, though. Cause if you’re someone who tries to be aware of their actions, finding out that you’ve said something that feels racist to another person is hard to hear. Very hard to hear. And even if you didn’t mean to be racist, even if you’ve fought against, written against, spoken against, railed against racism in the past, it doesn’t matter. Cause if you’re lucky, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll be able to understand that you’re being told that you SAID or DID something that was racist. Not that you ARE a racist.
And that is the first distinction you need to make, to yourself, before you can respond to what IS being said. Are YOU being called a racist? or is your action, statement, piece of art, etc. being called racist? This is a huge distinction. And one that you need to make before you can proceed.
Once you’ve realized that something you’ve said has been perceived as racist. Instead of jumping and saying “But that’s not what I meant,” think about it. Cause if what you meant isn’t plainly understandable by the person saying it is racist, then it is probably because you didn’t clearly say what you meant. Or, it means that you are unaware that what you said has a racist baggage or history.
Here is an example: My senior year of high school there was this guy named Tree who was the class clown. He was hilarious. But sometimes he went too far with his desire to get the laughter of his classmates. And as the school year passed I began to wonder if he maybe had mental issues, if he was legitimately crazy. After one particularly awkward day I turned to a girl that I didn’t know very well, but who did know Tree and said “I think that boy is crazy!” Her eyes narrowed and it became apparent that she was instantly angry with me. And I hadn’t done or said anything wrong. I was honestly just concerned that he needed help. This girl and Tree were both black, and I am white.
A white classmate, came up to me later and said “I heard what you said about Tree. Now people think you’re a racist.” I was floored. I replied with, “I don’t think he’s crazy because he’s black, I just think he needs help.” This girl looked confused and asked me what I’d said about him, so I repeated it. Her eyes got wide. She replied with “For a smart girl you are really stupid sometimes. You don’t call black guys “boy”. Don’t you know that?” “But he is a boy. He’s only 17 and he acts like a foolish kid, he doesn’t even seem like a ‘guy’, let alone a ‘man’.” “Yeah, but you can’t call him ‘boy’. You just can’t.”
I was confused, and hurt, and worried. And I kept repeating to myself, “but I’m NOT a racist.” The next day in class, while I sat next to an iceberg I waited for a break and then turned to the girl I’d angered and said “I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I didn’t mean anything bad by calling Tree a ‘boy’. I didn’t even know that was bad. I’m sorry. I’m just worried about him.” And the glare softened a little and it took months to go away, Tree remained crazy, and I learned something important that has stuck with me for a long time. Even when we don’t mean to, don’t realize it, and are appalled to find it out, we say and do racist things.
It’s easy. A lot easier than I would like it to be in fact. But when we do something and someone else says “that’s racist” the best thing you can do is stop and understand why they perceive it to be racist. When I was 12, if someone had called me “sassy” I would have felt proud and maybe even a little smug. But hearing someone call Malia or Sasha Obama “sassy” makes me pause. I can’t judge the person’s intent, nor can I judge the person, but I can (and should) let the person know that sassy has racist overtones.
I’ve seen several instances over my years on the internet and as a member of the blogosphere where someone has written something that could be described as racist, was perceived as racist. But sadly the number of apologies are few, the number of explanations and redefinitions are few. But the number of “Nuh uh! It’s not my fault you don’t understand what I meant!” or “How dare you accuse ME of being racist?” are high. And whether you’re a Hollywood star, or a blogger who honestly thinks that you know everyone who reads your website, this may happen to you. And if it does, there is a better way to handle it than getting defensive. Here is what I suggest.
Here’s the process:
1- Make a blog post, take a photograph, create a piece of, craft something cute, name your business
2- Someone who likely doesn’t know you looks at what you’ve created, done, said, written, etc. and says “That’s racist!”
3- Fight the urge to jump to your defense immediately.
4- If you can’t tell why it is racist, Google the phrase, name, image in question. Ask someone who knows you if they understand why it seems racist.
5- If you still can’t figure out why it is racist, say that to the person who brought up the word racist. “I’m sorry that you see this as a racist expression. That wasn’t my intention and I don’t understand why you see it that way.
6- Hopefully you’ll get an explanation or a link or information to explain why they see the racism but you don’t. You should at least be able to see why THEY see it is as racist, even if YOU still see the intent and not the cause of the reaction.
7- Apologize. Claim it. Don’t make excuses. Understand that many people may not believe you. Accept that there is a lot of racism in the world and that you have added to it, even if you didn’t mean to. Say, “I’m sorry that I made a comment that hurt and offended people. Even though I didn’t intend to do that, I did. And I’m sorry.”
8- Move on. Understand that you’ve learned something. And if you’ve done it publicly in the blogosphere, then there is a pretty good chance that you’ve permitted the people who live in an echo chamber to learn something as well.
8a- Understand that even after you’ve apologized, even after you have understood why someone disagreed with you, they may not accept your apology. You can’t change this. The scars of racism run deep, so deep, that even an earnest and heartfelt apology followed by an “I understand” will never be enough for some. It’ll be okay. After all, not everyone has to like you. You just have to know that you’ve done your best.
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