21 October 09

Refueling

A day ago or so, Kim Moldofsky explained the difference between an introvert and an extrovert. An introvert refuels, gains energy, by being alone. An extrovert refuels by being with people.

For all my life, I’ve been strictly in the introvert camp. Very, very strongly in the introvert camp. But I say that know I am now an introvert most of the time. Generally being around people makes me tired. I get hungover after being around people for a long period of time. I find myself withdrawing, being quiet, wanting to be alone. At something like SXSW I spend time just sitting by myself, or I linger in the bathroom.

And for years, for as long as I can remember, this has been the case. I actually remember sitting on a school bus with the seats so very tall, coming home from kindergarten, looking out the window, feeling the girl in the seat next to me jumping up and down and thinking, “School would be so much better if there weren’t so many kids.” It’s not that I hated the kids, it’s just that everywhere I went there were kids. I was pushed, encouraged, required by my teachers to “join the other kids” when really I just wanted to be away from them.

Those introversion techniques continued throughout my entire life. But things are changing. And I realized it just recently. I realized it after spending time with people, on a few consecutive days, and realizing that I felt happier, more relaxed, sharper somehow after spending time with people.

It’s not like every time I spend time with people I come home exhausted, drained, and grumpy. Nor do I regret spending time with people. Well, most of the time. But quite often, groups of people, people I don’t know terribly well, people I may not like, they do exhaust me. It’s never permanent or damaging. I just don’t always feel bright and shining after these things.

But after experiencing several instances where I felt significantly better after spending time with people has made me rethink whether I’m as much of an introvert as I thought I was. I mean, being around Andrew makes me feel better than being alone (most of the time, at least). And a few extra-special people in my life make me feel better as well. But that number has been very small my whole life and I’m realizing that this number has grown significantly over the last few years. I’m happy about this. I like having more refueling stations in my life.

Comments

  1. This is very much me, too. Until college, I’d rather spend my afternoons with my mom than at some school activity. When I did get to college, I “crazily” introduced myself to all of the girls on my dorm floor by the end of the first evening. Still, I knew quickly where I felt safe and where I didn’t.

    Like you, I’ve expanded my horizons a bit as of late. I am definitely known as an extrovert to those with whom I feel comfortable. It’s getting past the other people that’s tough.

    — Rachel on Oct 22, 05:49 am

  2. Hi Cinnamon! I have had a very similar experience to yours, and I wonder if you can’t marry into a certain degree of extroversion. I certainly married one of the world’s great extroverts (at least socially speaking) and his approach to socialization has helped me push my boundaries and see that, yes, I can be refueled, as you put it, by time spent with friends. Interesting.

    — Kate on Oct 22, 04:52 pm

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